"piss off"

i am 38 yrs old. i live with my parents. i hate my fucking job. my job doesn't pay well. my boss is a redneck mother-fuckin' asshole. i have not been with a women in a decade. i have alienated myself from everyone other than the fuckheads i work with and my parents [who, by the way think i'm nuts]. i smoke a pack a day. i drink too much coffee. my teeth are brownish-yellow. my gums are receeding. my computer is dying... i am very very depressed. i'd drink to relax, but alcohol makes me even more depressed. i get even more depressed when i take account of my feelings and my place in life.. i try to 'walk it off'..  i walk for hours and i'm relaxed.. but then i often reflect on how lonely i am..  i often ask god to strike me down with a lightning bolt.. i often wish i'd get broadsided by a big truck while driving in traffic.. i don't sleep soundly.. i hope i have a heart attack after writing this.. i don't want to face another day..